Personal Growth & Evolving Values – As we grow, our priorities, interests, and beliefs naturally evolve. This shift is often influenced by the new relationships we build, the knowledge we gain, and the experiences we have. For me, the college environment rapidly broadened my understanding of others and challenged the narrow mindset shaped by my small-town upbringing—faster than a watermelon bursts under the pressure of too many rubber bands.
Different Life Paths – As we step into life beyond the nest, we develop preferences—shaping the scenes we engage in, the careers we pursue, and the relationships we nurture. It’s during this time that we must decide who to invest our energy in, ensuring that the effort we give is also reciprocated. Time is limited, and spreading ourselves too thin can quickly push us past our limits. For me, this became clear as dating became more serious. The boyfriend who would become my husband offered the potential for deep growth and connection, while the friend who wanted to stay close despite distance required more effort than the situation could support.
Toxic or One-Sided Relationships – Some relationships either never should have started, or they’ve overstayed their welcome. Recognizing when a relationship is no longer healthy or fulfilling is a good time to “abandon ship.”
Emotional Maturity & Boundaries – Learning to prioritize self-respect over holding on to outdated connections is key. Once you’ve gained clarity about your needs, beliefs, passions, and sense of self-respect, it’s crucial to protect that. Some relationships, though supportive in other ways, may no longer align with where you are in life, especially when they no longer offer the understanding or growth you need. In these situations, we often find ourselves holding on to people, hoping they’ll change in ways that meet our needs or expectations. We believe that with time, patience, education, or love, they’ll transform into the person we wish they could be. But the truth is, we can’t change others. No matter how hard we try, no matter how much we invest, change has to come from within them. Sometimes, we hold on, not because they’re the right fit for us, but because we want them to be—believing that, if we just wait long enough, they’ll become the version of themselves we imagine. But in the end, we need to ask ourselves: Are we holding on to the person they are, or the person we hope they’ll become?
How to Cope with Changing Relationships
Accept That Growth is Inevitable – Change doesn’t mean betrayal; it means evolution. From childhood friends to first loves or unsupportive family, outgrowing relationships is a natural part of life. But like anything difficult, just because it happens to us all doesn’t make it any easier.
Honor the Role They Played in Your Life – Let go with gratitude, rather than resentment. Release any negative emotions and shift your perspective. Instead of holding onto the hurt or disappointment, recognize the ways they contributed to shaping who you are today. Even the smallest moments or the hardest lessons can carry weight, and they helped you become more self-aware, stronger, or more compassionate. It might feel strange at first, but as you look back and reminisce, try thanking them for the time they gave you (this can be just a thought, with no need for a call or message unless you wish to reopen the door to connection). Whether it was a brief season or a long chapter, acknowledging their role can help create peace and provide meaning in every connection.
Communicate Openly (When Necessary) – If possible, have an honest conversation about how you’re feeling. This could simply be voicing the unspoken with a “wishing you well” message. Rather than rehashing every instance through your time together or trying to assign blame, start by acknowledging the natural changes that have occurred. Express that you no longer feel as connected, understand that the other person might feel hurt or confused, and be open to listening. Give both yourself and the other person space to process things.
Accept that some friendships may naturally fade. Sometimes, we don’t get closure. Sometimes, love and friendship don’t end in disaster—sometimes, the feelings simply fade into the quiet understanding that who we were together no longer fits who we are now.
Make Space for New Connections – Embrace the opportunity to meet people who align with your current values and growth. Invest time into defining what these values are and find opportunities to surround yourself with those who share them. Embrace new hobbies, accept invitations, and actively connect.
Prioritize Your Well-Being – Don’t force old or new connections out of guilt or fear. Recognize that your emotional, mental, and physical health should always come first, even when it comes to the connections you have with others. Set healthy boundaries and focus on personal happiness. Spend time getting to know what you need, both in terms of space and interaction, and be able to communicate those needs clearly to others.
Life pulls us all in different directions and changes us slowly over time in ways that go unnoticed until directly confronted by old ways or relationships. And maybe that’s okay. Embracing the evolution of our relationships allows us to create a life that’s more aligned with who we’re becoming. Letting go doesn’t diminish the love we once had; it simply clears the path for new versions of ourselves and those we continue to meet along the way.